Sunday, March 29, 2015

New awareness, more questions

A new awareness has been surfaced. Outside of the Facebook, Instagram, and other forms of media world, outside of television, movies, and every technological distraction known to man, I see that it is rare to have a one to one, face to face, human interaction without social media interferring.
Once you disconnect yourself from the viral world, a new world emerges. The real world. As it is, not pretended to be made any different than what it actually is. Real life can't lie. The internet can. That is why real life experiences are SO VALUABLE. When's the last time you had a legitimately deep conversation with someone? One sentence responses to a facebook post don't matter. TURN OFF YOUR TECHONOLOGY and OPEN YOUR EYES to the world!
There's enough drama, comedy, and romance in real life, why watch movies to pretend you are there, when you can actually experience it first hand???

Since writing my last post, I have come to a few realizations about myself. I have thought of this great philosophy on life, one I have learned from my parents, but am I actually following my own advice? Am I practicing what I am preaching? Am I thinking for myself, and making a smart decision, or just following the trend and the flow of how others think I should life my life?

Swimming downstream is SO MUCH EASIER than swimming upstream. After all, thats where all the fish are going, and thats where the energy is flowing. Swimming downstream is where the fish are going, following the flow is where the energy is going.

I'm starting to question the plan I have made for myself. As a Gemini, I know I am likely to doubt , and second guess, and ta da, thats exactly what I am doing. I'm questioning my decisions to live at home and go to school. Granted, the school would be for a great reason and something I am good at AND have experience in (physical therapy assistance) but I'm wondering if I am living my life to the fullest potential. After the PTA program, I want to become yoga certified, and then do culinary school. The yoga and cooking are passions, the PTA more of something that would pay the bills as well as provide a satisfaction that I am helping people.

My mother tells me that I need to continue school because I wouldn't be able to live on my own, and truth is, I would, but it would be a very humble and minimalist life. If I were to live on my own, I would barely be scraping by, probably living paycheck to paycheck. It would be really hard at first, but I know through perseverance I would make it. If I live at home, I get the chance to save up some money, and go to school...where I would come out with debt. Also, it would come at the cost of living in  a highly stressful environment. Living with my mom is one of the hardest things I have had to do, we are similar in many ways, but also SO different in others. Over the years I have come to learn how to deal with her, but is "dealing with it" a necessity? Will living with her better our relationship? Probably not. More likely we will have more fights, or maybe even not talk to each other for days at a time.

Is this a short term sacrifice I will be making for a long term goal? I'm all for short term sacrifices, but I am questioning whether it will align with my own life view.

Is the decision I am making  a healthy one? honest one? helpful one? happy one?

Short term...probably not. Its emotionally unhealthy, I'd be lying to myself if I said it would be easy, if I stay at home I would be unhappy that I'm missing out on life. but...getting this education will help me become a more helpful individual.

One of my thought patterns is that after getting this degree, I would get a job at a PT clinic, and while paying off debt, would get experience in the PT field. Maybe I would travel and move elsewhere, live life on my own finally. Eventually I would want to be my own boss and provide a service to clients that offers personal training, continual rehabilitation, nutrition help, cooking classes, yoga...etc.

Does my vision need me to get this PTA degree? If not, what would be my next step? Yoga certification, culinary school? I can't let go of this degree idea because its the most "career" focused job, that will be widely sought after in many years to come. I know if I get this degree I won't ever be at a loss for a job. Its a battle between long term security and short term freedom. I always told myself I didn't want to be the status quo and go into debt, but if its for a job that most likely promises financial it worth compromising myself for it?

Then there's the fact that I have a dual citizenship, so practically I could travel Europe and teach English and say F U to America...haha. I could get a free education there since I am a EU citizen, or I could teach English. My dad is in Europe too, and the rest of my family. No matter what I feel like I don't have time to accomplish everything I want to do. I need help prioritizing my goals and living my life according to my own philosophy. Where can I find the answer?

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